Where no Batman has gone before
by Romantic Twist
Summary: Mr Freeze, Joker and Harry Mudd make trouble for both the Dynamic Duo and the Enterprise crew during Kirk's and company's time trips to 20th Century Gotham City.
1. The Journey back to When?

(The first few chapters are set in the continuities of the 1960s TV serieses of Batman and Star Trek).

Captain James T Kirk spoke into his official log recording device: "Captain's Log Incremental. As our last attempt to make routine observations of 20th Century Earth was side tracked by the presence of Gary Seven and a new adventure, we briefly returned to the 23rd Century to check that history remained unaltered, and are now once again in orbit around earth in the late 1960s. I am about to lead an away team down to the surface of the planet in order to observe ancient policing methods, in the hope that some of them can be applied to the rest of our five year mission in space."

"Captain, wouldn't it be wise to leave Mr Spock in command of the ship," said Doctor McCoy, "His Vulcan ears are a little hard to explain to 1969 earthlings."

"You read my mind, Doctor," said Kirk.

"I thought that was one of his talents," said McCoy.

"Correction Doctor. I can only share another's thoughts when engaging in the Vulcan mind meld, which requires physical contact. To suggest that I could read the Captain's thoughts under other circumstances is to defy logic."

"Never mind, Mr Spock," said Kirk, "You have the conn. Sulu and Uhura will man the bridge. Bones, you can stay up here, if you're not needed in sick bay. Mr Chekov, you're with the away team. Scotty, select two security officers and have them meet us in the transporter room. Chekov, have the computer make ready civilian circa 1969 American police officer uniforms for all five of us. Phasers to be concealed in belt holsters unless I give the order to fire, and are to be set on stun only. We can't take the chance of taking a life in the past and upsetting history, no matter what we encounter down there."

Shortly after that, Kirk, Scotty, Chekov and two security staff named Marj and Nelson beamed down and materialized in an alley behind a large building. They walked around to the front and read its signage.

GOTHAM CENTRAL POLICE

"Well done Mr Kyle," said Kirk, aware that his transporter chief would not actually hear the congratulation, "Well gentlemen, we look the part. Let's go up and see what's up there. You know, I feel right at home in this black police uniform. I'm sure I could wear it for five years' straight if I'd been a police officer in this century."

"Aye, so long as you earned your hooks first," said Scotty.

They entered the building elevator and made their way to Commissioner Gordon's office.

"I don't believe I've met any of you officers," said Commissioner James Gordon, "But a man in my position is terribly busy. I'm sure you're all fine officers."

The phone rang, and Bonnie switched it through to the office. While Gordon was greeting Kirk and the others, Chief O'Hara took the call, and then hung up.

"Begorra, Commissioner! We've just had a report that Mr Freeze is robbing citizens of all their costume jewellery in Gotham Central Park, threatening to freeze anyone who resists."

"There's only one man who can handle Mr Freeze," said Commissioner Gordon, reaching for the red phone.

Elsewhere in Bruce Wayne's study at stately Wayne Manor, the red phone hotline began to beep. Alfred the Butler, who seemed to be perpetually dusting various objects within earshot of the Bat-phone, promptly answered the call.

"I'll summon him, Sir," said Alfred.

In the Wayne dining room, Aunt Harriet, Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson were enjoying one of Alfred's home made beef stews.

"It's the phone in your study, Sir," said Alfred, entering the room.

Seeing that he would need to leave the table too, Dick began to speak.

"I… think I'd better head for the little ward's room," said Dick, "I'm not 100% sure that this particular beef stew agrees with me."

"Mercy alive, is no-one going to remain at the table," said Aunt Harriet, "Alfred, you might as well put the television on. If I can't enjoy lunch, I might as well catch the midday news update."

"Very well, Madam," said Alfred, and switched the set on, where it turned out the Mr Freeze robbery was the subject of the latest news update.

"Oh my," said Aunt Harriet, "Gotham has so many super criminals, that Batman never seems to get a respite. Something really should be done about it."

She got up, walked across the room, bumped a cabinet and then was hit on the head by one of Bruce's artifacts in his antiques collection, as it fell of the top of the cabinet. Once she'd passed out on the floor, it became evident to Alfred that for once it would be easier to conceal Batman's and Robin's departure.

Bruce and Dick entered the study.

"Yes Commissioner," said Bruce, picking up the Bat-phone.

"Cold news, Batman," said Commissioner Gordon, "Mr Freeze has returned to commit a series of robberies at freeze gun point in Gotham Central Park. I've got five new officers on call right now, but I daren't send them out inexperienced against such a formidable foe."

"Your professional discretion is held in high regard as always, Commissioner. Robin and I are on our way. To save time, we'll head straight to the park instead of meeting you in your office first," said Bruce and hung up the phone.

"Mr Freeze again! This is the first time he's struck since we met Batgirl. I sure hope she doesn't wind up frozen too."

"Not if we give him the cold shoulder first," said Bruce, "To the Bat-poles."

Bruce and Dick slid down into the Batcave, climbed into the Batmobile and roared out towards Gotham Central Park.


	2. The Saucer flies again

On the bridge of the Starship Enterprise, Mr Sulu alerted Spock to an impending emergency.

"Mr Spock, unidentified craft heading on collision course for this ship."

"On screen, Mr Sulu," said Spock.

A flying saucer could be seen heading straight for the Enterprise.

"Do not fire," said Spock, "Our ship's deflector screens while set on minimum, should be able to cushion the impact, without destroying either the Enterprise or that other vessel. In the meantime, we had better investigate. There are no known reports of flying saucers being active in this quadrant of space in the 1960s."

"Mr Spock, it might be a prop for a science fiction television series," said Uhura.

"Whatever it is, we shall beam aboard it to find out," said Spock, "Doctor McCoy will accompany myself and Lieutenant Uhura. Lieutenant, assign someone to relieve you on the bridge. If aliens are present, our 23rd Century translators may not work. I'll need an experienced communications expert with me on that ship."

"But why do you need me, Spock? I'm a Doctor, not a supporting character in a science fiction TV series!" said McCoy.

"We don't know for sure that they are making a science fiction TV series," said Spock, "That craft might be a genuine alien presence in earth orbit. And either way, if they are damaged in the collision, they might need the assistance of our chief medical officer."

Spock, McCoy and Uhura beamed aboard the approaching saucer, where they could hear strange manic laughter coming from a man with chalk white skin and green hair.

"As if your green Vulcan blood weren't enough for me to contend with," muttered McCoy, "Now we find proof that there really are green haired aliens attacking 20th Century earth. Why couldn't they control their ship instead of making a suicide run for us."

"But I'm not an alien at all," said the man who seemed to be in charge of the ship, "I'm the Joker, the clown prince of crime."

"Crime is an illogical pursuit," said Mr Spock, "And I must ask how you hope to benefit from making a suicide run at my ship."

"I'm not contemplating suicide. I'm merely playing a game of chicken," said the Joker, "I never got to fly this ship much before Batman put me inside Gotham Penitentiary again. Thankfully he didn't catch all of my men, and some of them used it to break me out of prison. The police would have heard about it by now, except that, according to the radio, they've had a little spot of trouble with Mr Freeze down there, and now you're going to have a little spot of your own with my laughing gas."

Joker took a capsule from his pocket and threw it down on the floor in front of Mr Spock.

Suddenly Spock fell down on the floor and burst into an outbreak of uncontrolled laughter.

"He's a Vulcan, you green haired maniac!" said Dr McCoy, "Forcing sustained laughing fits out of a Vulcan can be fatal to him."

"Well I can't say I ever thought of that," said the Joker.

"Where's your antidote?" demanded McCoy.

"I never made one," said the Joker.

"We'll have to take them both back to the Enterprise," said McCoy, "Uhura, knock this nut out and then take command of the saucer and have it rendezvous with the Captain down in the city below. We'll have to see if he can find some 20th Century solution to Mr Spock's condition, before it kills him."

Uhuru stunned the Joker with her phaser and then pointed it at his men.

"Fly this ship back down to the town you came from and don't make any trouble, or I shall dispatch you both and do the job myself," said Uhura.

In Commissioner Gordon's office, Scotty whispered to Kirk: "Cap'n, is it standard police procedure in this century to simply call a man known only by a pseudonym on the phone and leave him to handle a case?"

"It might be, Scotty, it just might be," said Kirk.

"Well at least the Chief is a man after my own accent," said Scotty.

"I'm not sure it's the same accent," said Kirk.

"Maybe we need to know more about this Batman," said Chekov.

Kirk spoke up: "Commissioner, Sir, would you like us to be on hand at the park incident?"

"Well I guess, since Bat fights only last 40 seconds, you'll be needed within less than a minute after they have their fight, in order to arrest Mr Freeze and his men."

At that moment, Barbara Gordon, the Commissioner's daughter and Gotham City librarian entered the office.

"Hi Daddy, things sure look busy."

"There's one villain in Batman's semi-regular rogues gallery, whom you've never seen since you moved back from college," said Commissioner Gordon, "Mr Freeze is striking again in Gotham Central Park. Wherever you go this afternoon, Barbara, don't go there."

"I guess I'll head home," said Barbara," making a mental note to hop on the Bat-cycle in her Batgirl costume as soon as she got home.

Kirk was given the keys to a squad car, and led his team down to the vehicle. In his own time, cars were not completely obsolete, and James Kirk was able to drive Scotty, Chekov, Nelson and Marj to Gotham Central Park, while Chekov used a street directory to navigate.

When they arrived, they saw that Batman, Robin and the Batmobile had already been almost completely frozen by Mr Freeze, who was adding the finishing touches to his handiwork, with his hands still on his gun.

"Phasers on stun. Shoot to disable Mr Freeze first. That's gotta be him," said Kirk.

Marj and Nelson aimed for Mr Freeze's hands, and caused him to drop the gun. Something in Freeze's sub-zero metabolism, or perhaps the protection of his refrigerated suit, enabled him to resist the full effect of the phaser stun setting. Although he dropped his gun, he did not pass out.

Kirk adjusted his own phaser to maximum setting and destroyed Freeze's fallen gun.

"You policemen still have to face all of my men at once," said Freeze, "Get them."

"Not just the policemen," said Batgirl.

Freeze turned to the left, to see that her cycle was parked just outside the park and she was walking towards him. Batgirl did a spinning kick and knocked out one of Mr Freeze's men, who had been approaching her with fists at the ready.

Kirk, Marj and Nelson were all adept at unarmed combat, and took the place of Batman and Robin in assisting Batgirl to finish the fight. Soon all of Freeze's men were knocked out on the floor. Had they known why their stun phaser fire had not affected Mr Freeze, they might have considered using their phasers on his men.


	3. A Laugh beyond Control

"We still need a way to defrost the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder," said Batgirl.

"Set phasers on maximum," said Kirk, "They'll act as heat rays and melt that ice slowly, without damaging the men inside."

Chekov and the others began thawing out the Dynamic Duo and the Batmobile.

"I can only assume that your pistols operate on the same principle as Mr Freeze's earlier heating setting on his gruesome weapon," said Batman.

"Something like that," said Kirk, relieved that he didn't have to explain 23rd Century Starfleet technology to 1969 Gothamites.

"And you melted them out of the Batmobile with precision accuracy young man!" said Batgirl, beaming at Chekov. There was something about him that reminded him of the photos of Chad and Jeremy on her father's records, except that this was a heroic teenager of action.

"And now I am close to melting inside," said Chekov quietly, "To the point that I am about to burst a blood wessel just by looking at you."

"Consider the rest of the day as shore leave, Mr Chekov," said Kirk, "The rest of us will take Mr Freeze and his men into custody, just as soon as Scotty works out how to radio Chief O'Hara to send the paddy wagon.

"Is it called that, because Paddy is an Irish name?" said Scotty, now clear in his mind about Chief O'Hara's nationality.

"I told you he had a different accent," said Kirk, "Some 20th Century nomenclature will remain confusing to us, but I think we've gotten the general idea of how Gotham City policing works."

"Officer, you and your men have saved us from freezing to death, and saved all of Gotham's citizens from fear of a walk in the park," said Batman, "As a reward, we'd like to take you on a tour of our secret headquarters, the Batcave, if you're willing to submit to a temporary sleeping effect of Bat gas. There's room for all of you in the back seats and the boot, if we repeat the way Penguin and his men once got into the Batcave."

"It would be well worth the observation value for study," whispered Scotty.

"Thank you, Mr Batman. We accept your hospitality," said Kirk, and they all submitted to Bat-gas as soon as Freeze and his men were driven away… all except for Chekov, who was now enjoying a walk in the park with Batgirl.

"Wholly rivalry for romantic affection!" said Robin, as he looked out of the side of the Batmobile at his heart's desire making time with the young Russian police officer (who was in fact a 23rd Century Starfleet officer).

"Patient men win the girl, if she's the right girl," said Batman, "An apt rephrasing of Chaucer."

Marj and Nelson were both lying in the boot of the Batmobile, fast asleep from Bat-gas, while Kirk and Scotty were similarly dozing in the rear passenger seats. Later the Batmobile pulled into the Batcave, and Batman and Robin sprayed their four guests with Bat-wake and began to show them the atomic pile and the Batcomputer.

Elsewhere in Gotham Park, Chekov finally found the means to express himself.

"Wherever you come from, and whoever you are behind that mask of yours, you are turning me on far more than the green girls of Rigel 9," said Chekov, "Come to think of it, you do remind me of a certain green girl I once saw on the monitor screen, when the Ceptin was in that prison."

"I'm not sure what you're talking about," said Batgirl, "But that doesn't stop me from enjoying the way you're saying it."

In the Batcave, Kirk's conversation with Batman was suddenly interrupted by a call on his communicator. He took it from his police uniform pocket and flipped it open.

"Kirk here."

"Jim, we've got serious trouble. Some escaped lunatic from the city you're in calls himself the Joker, and was flying a saucer in a manner which endangered the ship. Uhura's got control of it now, and plans to land it in Gotham Central Park, according to Joker's men. He's used a form of laughter inducing gas on Spock and it's slowly killing him. Not having encountered it before, I know no means of treating a Vulcan who's been affected."

"What is a Vulcan?" asked Batman.

"There are some things we can't explain," said Kirk, "Suffice it to say that we're not who we seem to be. We infiltrated your police department and assisted you for no reason other than to study police methods in order to improve our own. However, our friend Spock is genuinely in danger of losing his life if the laughing gas can't be counteracted."

"I'm familiar with the Joker, although not aware of his most recent escape until this moment," said Batman, "I think we should meet your people at Gotham Penitentiary. They can drop the Joker off, and we shall also be able to cure your friend's condition there."

"Scotty, Nelson, beam up to the ship with the printout of the Gotham City map that Batman was showing us before," said Kirk, "Scotty, relieve Sulu of command and then use the map to work out where to have Nelson and Spock beam down to the penitentiary. Marj and I will submit to Bat-gas again and go in the Batmobile."

Once aboard the Enterprise, Scotty contacted Uhura and asked her to redirect the saucer to Gotham Penitentiary.

And so, from several directions, the forces of law and order and interstellar authority are converging on Gotham Penitentiary.

The Joker was put back in his cell, along with his men. The saucer was impounded by the police, and Warden Creighton gave Batman and Kirk's crew access to the only prisoner Batman believed could help them. Mr Spock was wearing a beany hat in order to hide his ears.

"Egghead, the last time we fought you, you used a special form of egg on us, which caused Robin, Batgirl and I to burst into uncontrolled tears. I believe it will counter the effects of Joker's laughing gas in Mr Spock, just enough to end the laughter with only a brief minimum of tears, and then restore full control of his faculties," said Batman, "If you'll prepare just such an egg in the penitentiary kitchen, I'm sure Warden Creighton won't mind giving you an early parole, in lieu of the fact that we can count on you to commit another crime and end up back here soon enough anyway."


	4. Then Egghead earns Parole

"I suppose I can egg-stricate this Mr Spock from his medical malady, if it also egg-stracts me from this prison cell," said Egghead, and proceeded to prepare another tear gas egg. Fortunately Warden Creighton's Progressive Penal Palate Policy had ensured that the prison kitchen was well stocked with both eggs and onions, which were the essential ingredients in Egghead's tear gas formula.

Egghead then threw the onion egg at Spock. It burst on contact with his somewhat covered forehead and soon brought Spock back to normal health.

"Mr Batman," said Spock, "I congratulate you on a very logical deduction in determining how to cure my condition."

"You were aware of what I was saying while in that state?" said Batman.

"Yes, it was only my laughter and subsequently my brief spate of crying that I couldn't control," said Spock, "My cognitive functions remained largely unimpaired throughout that ordeal."

"Along with your modesty," grunted McCoy.

Warden Creighton was just about to sign Egghead's release papers when his telephone rang. He took the call and then told Batman it was Commissioner Gordon for him.

"Batman, you know of that underworld bar on the river front?" said Gordon.

"Yes Commissioner. I recall having to rescue Bruce Wayne from Penguin, Joker, Riddler and the disguised Catwoman there, when she was calling herself Miss Kitka."

"Witnesses have called to report that a woman with an automatic rifle has got several criminals all bailed up inside, and is continuing to fire haphazardly through the damaged windows," said Gordon.

"Ma Parker? Black Widow? Zelda?"

"They're all still locked up here," said Warden Creighton, "One-shot villains don't tend to get early releases."

"It must be someone new," said Batman, "We'll head for the dock now."

"You saved Spock's life. We'd like to help," said Kirk.

"You unfroze us. But it sounds like your help couldn't hurt," said Batman, "Except it's problematic to keep squeezing you all into the Batmobile, awake or not."

"I can fly the saucer, if we can use it again," said Uhura.

"I guess I can permit it," said Warden Creighton, "Commissioner Gordon hasn't taken possession of it yet anyway."

The Enterprise away teams climbed aboard the saucer and followed the Batmobile from the air, until they reached the docks.

An elderly woman was wearing a mask around her eyes and still blasting away at the bar.

"Mercy alive! There's just too many of you criminals on the loose. I'll take care of that!" she shouted.

"Wholly dual personalities!" said Dick, "That's exactly what Aunt Harriet said. I heard her when we were walking into the study, just before we changed to Batman and Robin."

"That logo she's painted onto the back of her shirt might be another clue," said Batman.

They looked closely to see that Dick's machine gun toting Aunt had labeled herself 'DIRTY HARRIET.'

"What could have caused my Aunt to go around the bend like this?" asked Robin.

"We'll have to figure that out later," said Batman, "And until we do, we'll also have to try to bring an apprehended Harriet Cooper into Wayne Manor without unmasking her. It's a good thing that Kirk's officers are not really Gotham City Policemen."

Inside the underworld bar, Cassandra Spellcraft, Minerva, Siren, Lola Lasgna, Nora Clavicle and Olga were all wondering how to escape from the now homicidal elderly lady known only as Dirty Harriet.

"We can't get out without being shot down in an instant," said Minerva.

"She'll only shoot in our direction if she can see us," said Dr Cassandra, "Each of you take one of these and we'll head out the front door, while she's still firing at the windows."

She handed them some pills. They each swallowed their tablets and turned invisible.

Dirty Harriet drew closer to the window and took a look inside, but couldn't see the newly reformed Ladies Crime Club anywhere.

"Captain, sensors from my portable tricorder indicate several life forms emerging from the bar," said Spock.

"But there's nobody there," said Kirk.

"Correction, nobody visible," said Spock, "the logical conclusion."

"Kirk to Enterprise," said Kirk, "Wait thirty seconds and then beam down an unarmed warhead with the same dye we use for shooting at cloaked alien space craft, sending it to a position a few meters above where this communicator is coming from. Alright Spock, lead me to them with your tricorder."

Kirk and Spock ran after the invisible Ladies Crime Club. Kirk threw his communicator over the estimated position of their heads, so that it landed on the ground in the direction they were heading. From the Enterprise transporter, the makeshift dye bomb materialized just above Kirk's fallen communicator, fell to the ground, burst open and released dye all over the fleeing women. Uhura and Scotty stunned them, and made their arrests.

"Thank you, officers!" called Batman, "They're your prisoners now. But whatever happens, leave Dirty Harriet to Robin and me!"


	5. A Blow that won't draw Blood

"We'll take them to police headquarters," said Kirk, and they carried their captives into the saucer and took off for the top of police headquarters, narrowly missing the Bat-signal as they landed on the roof.

Batman threw his Batarang carefully at Dirty Harriet's wrist, giving her enough of a jolt to cause her to drop the gun. Then, having thrown his batrope line over a high lamp, Robin swung in and captured his Aunt. They sprayed her with Batgas, and took her home via the Batcave, using Alfred's elevator to get her up to the study and into the lounge, as soon as they'd changed to their civilian identities.

"Sir before you use the Batwake, I found this on the floor, near where Mrs Cooper must have fallen," said Alfred, handing Bruce the artifact, "Is it of any significance?"

"I believe you've done it, Alfred!" said Bruce, "After our last encounter with King Tut, I managed to purchase the first item that hit the Professor on the head and caused his first change of persona into King Tut. I was just keeping it as a memento of a villain I hoped we'd finally cured forever. Now it occurs to me that I once read up that certain ancient artifacts were treated with hypnotic chemicals that can cause personality adjustments, and in this case even complete loss of identity. I believe that once hit by this device, the Professor was doomed to turn into or from King Tut whenever receiving a blow by any other object as well. The same must be true of Harriet's transformation. The Professor was interested in ancient Egyptology and became King Tut. Harriet Cooper was becoming more concerned than she let on about keeping down the criminal element of Gotham City. So she became Dirty Harriet. From now on, we must protect her from head injuries at all costs. Alfred, this will become your most important duty. Thankfully nobody at Police Headquarters knows that Dirty Harriet was Dick's Aunt Harriet Cooper, and her mask protected her identity from any witnesses at the docks."

Later, on the Enterprise, Kirk asked Uhura to patch Chekov in on the main communicator.

In Gotham Central Park, Chekov and Batgirl were kissing passionately as the sun went down over the park lake in front of them. Suddenly Chekov heard his communicator and picked it up.

"Shore leave is over, Mr Chekov. Beam up and prepare to assist Sulu in maintaining speed and trajectory for time travel back to 2269."

"Ceptin, I wish to obtain permission to resign from Starfleet and remain in the 20th Century to marry Batgirl."

"Chekov, do you realize what you're asking? It's problematic to say the least," said Kirk.

"I believe my researches on the ship's computer in the last 20 minutes may provide an answer to our problem," said Spock, "According to the Enterprise history tapes, Batgirl begins a dating romance with someone else in 1977. If Mr Chekov were to interfere with the flow of history, we would upset an entire timeline. Our actions today have already risked doing so."

"Did you hear that Chekov?" asked Kirk.

"Yes, Ceptin," sighed Pavel.

"So… did… I," said Batgirl slowly, with a sudden faraway look forming in her eyes at the mention of a romance between herself and someone she was yet to meet, "Still it has been fun."

"It breaks my heart to say goodbye,

But duty calls above the sky," said Chekov.

He kissed her goodbye, and then beamed aboard for the return to the 23rd Century.


	6. Vile Fiend, thy name is Mudd

(The rest of the story is set in the continuities of the 1970s Filmation cartoons of Star Trek & Batman; in which Adam West, Burt Ward, William Shatner, Jimmy Doohan, Deforest Kelley, Leonard Nimoy, Nichelle Nichols & Majel Barrett all reprised their 1960s roles as voices for their characters' animated counterparts).

The Enterprise crew were now in the final year of their 5 year mission, and had fully trained their two new bridge crew members Arex and M'Ress, who had arrived at the beginning of the fourth year. Kirk spoke into his log recorder once more:

"Captain's Log Stardate 2974.81. We have received a call for help from the planet containing the Guardian of Forever, an advanced arching structure which permits time travel to any era and place in history. Although capable of returning its travellers at some arbitrary time after they have explored the past, the Guardian is now guarded and supervised by officials from several United Federation Planets in order to ensure that it is only used by qualified observers who understand the need to avoid tampering with history. After Dr McCoy's encounter with Edith Keeler, and Spock's adventure with his younger self, we are more conscious than ever of the need to maintain this procedure, which was begun between the first and second of the aforementioned incidents. We are proceeding to the Guardian's planet at warp speed."

On arrival at the planet, Kirk was told by Guardian officials that a man named Harry Mudd had conned them into letting him make a trip into earth's past, before they ran his identity photograph and learned of his criminal past. They had then set the Guardian image to hold the point in history at which Mudd had emerged, so that they could send Starfleet Officers back to stop whatever Mudd might do.

"I believe we are looking at Gotham City, on earth, some 8 years after our encounter with the Joker's Flying Saucer and Mr Freeze's attack on Gotham Park," said Mr Spock.

"Spock, McCoy, you're familiar with the Guardian's effects," said Kirk, "You're with me on the time trip. M'Ress and Arex will man the bridge, with Chekov as science officer on the bridge, and Mr Scott, you have the conn."

Kirk was conscious of the potential emotional damage to Chekov, if he met up with Batgirl again, at the very time that the Enterprise computer's history tapes indicated that Batgirl would begin dating someone else. So he left Chekov out of the time rescue mission and selected Sulu to join them. Hikaru's familiarity with swords and martial arts might serve them well on this mission. Christine Chapel had almost finished her training under McCoy to be a doctor, and would be acting Chief Medical Officer on the Enterprise while McCoy was in the past.

"Have the Guardian monitor our progress and return us when we've located Harry Mudd and prevented any changes to pivotal moments in history," said Kirk, "First have the Guardian replay the weeks leading up to when Mudd arrived, and Spock and I will jump through. Then Have McCoy and Sulu follow shortly after Mudd arrived. We'll be there for longer. It worked when we had to set time right for Edith Keeler."

Kirk suddenly realized that he'd been so busy protecting Chekov's emotions over a 20th Century romance that he'd neglected to look out for McCoy's over a similar incident.

They ran towards the archway, and passed through a time and space warp, to emerge in Gotham City, this time in Starfleet Uniforms, albeit with Spock's head once more covered by a beany hat.


	7. The Court and Kiss Disaster

_1977, Wayne Manor…._

A call on the hotline summoned Batman and Robin to police headquarters. Bat-Mite was on a date with Batgirl at the time. (See "The New Adventures of Batman" Filmation cartoon series for their courtship and first date. It really happened.)

Seeing the Bat-signal from the restaurant where they were dining, Bat-Mite and Batgirl rode her cycle to the Central Police Headquarters and sat in on the meeting with Gordon and Batman and Robin.

"People in key positions in Gotham are abandoning their duties and falling into wild passionate kissing sessions throughout the city," said Commissioner Gordon, "Even Catwoman is making out with the Riddler, with neither of them committing any crimes. Nora Clavicle has served her sentence for her crimes in the 1960s and is hitting on someone too. Several of my men have fallen under whatever influence is causing this Cassanova Crisis and are unable to perform their duties as officers of the law. But that's not our only problem, Batman. The wealthy J Pauline Spaghetti has, at the advice of her new boyfriend, made unlikely investments which have multiplied her fortune overnight. She's given half her new takings to him. It's sending many of our other businessmen broke. We suspect foul play, but have nothing to go on."

Batman knew that only too well. Somehow J Pauline Spaghetti had recently acquired a fortune from Bruce Wayne on the stock market. If he couldn't reverse it, he may not be able to afford to continue maintaining his equipment for his Batman activities, or even look after Bruce Wayne's interests.

"No worries, Caped Crusader. I'll just hop on the front of Batgirl's cycle, and sniff my way to whatever's causing the love affairs, except I know it's not causing ours," said Bat-mite.

Batgirl started up the cycle outside, and kissed Bat-Mite's cheek.

Batman and Robin were about to follow them in the Batmobile, when they saw Sulu and McCoy on the footpath. This time they were wearing black trousers and coloured jumpers, one yellow and one blue, but McCoy was familiar, being the man who had once sought Batman's help to cure Spock of his near fatal laughing fit.

"We believe an old criminal foe of ours has caused whatever current problems you might be having," said McCoy, observing a police woman and a civilian necking for all they were worth on the footpath over the road, "Kirk and Spock are hopefully looking into the source of it for you now, but we'd be glad to join you and offer what help we can."

"Do you have anything to cure drug induced romances?" asked Batman.

"If it IS drug induced," said McCoy, "I believe it could be the effects of a ground love crystal used by Harry Mudd, the villain we mentioned. I didn't know he'd produced or acquired it in large quantities before he came…. here."

"That might be how he manipulated J Pauline Spaghetti," said Batman, "If he made her think she'd fallen in love with him, her finances might well have been at his mercy. Hop in."

Before they could do so, a man suddenly changed into a dog and jumped at Sulu. Sulu launched a karate kick and hit the dog in the head.

"Wholly modification makeovers!" said Robin, "I thought Dr Devious and his chameleon robot were taken care of."

"Dr Devious's robot can only turn into mechanical shapes, even those resembling human form," said Batman.

"Could a Vendorian have followed us through the Guardian of Forever?" asked McCoy, remembering the trouble the Enterprise crew had experienced from the alien who had imitated the form of the late Carter Winston before mimicking Kirk himself, and then forming an attachment with Winston's surviving girlfriend Lt Ann Norad. (See "The Survivor" in Star Trek TAS).

Suddenly the dog reverted to human form and froze, unable to move.

"I'm paralyzed," he said.

"Matt Hagen, I thought it was you. Gentlemen, meet Clayface, who discovered a transformation formula and caused us trouble in the past."


	8. A Partnership in Pasta

"But I didn't take the formula this time," said Hagen, "And I couldn't control my changes. They happened involuntarily. When I turned into a moth, I flew out of prison. I'll go back and serve out the rest of my sentence now. It was almost over."

"It's most likely an effect of Mudd's love crystal," said McCoy, "It must have reacted with any residual transformation serum in Hagen's system and caused him to transform involuntarily, just as it usually causes involuntary romantic activity in others."

"We're busy with this emergency, Hagen," said Batman, "I'll take you at your word to return to prison. If you don't, I'll be after you later."

Sulu and McCoy climbed into the Batmobile and were driven after Batgirl and Bat-mite, until Bat-mite's alien Ergo nose led him to one of J Pauline Spaghetti's factories, which was spraying large amounts of ground love crystal into the air, dispersing it through Gotham City.

"How do we stop it?" said Batman.

"We never found a way," said McCoy, recalling the time that Christine Chapel had used the love crystal on Spock (See "Mudd's Passion" in Star Trek TAS), "It just wore off, leaving the user with extremely negative feelings for the beneficiary until that wore off too."

"So the smooching epidemic won't last, but whatever use this Mudd made of Mrs Spaghetti will," said Batman, "Wait a minute. I can't recall anymore what the effects of their investments on the stock market did… I … What were we talking about?"

Suddenly Batman, Robin, Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Sulu all found themselves in the Batcave.

"Your memories have just been realigning," said Kirk, "Spock and I arrived in time to await Mudd's arrival and follow him and put a stop to what he was planning. So from your perspective, now it never happened. Your timeline is presumably back to normal, and the Guardian of Forever will return us to our proper time and place."

True to his prediction, Kirk and Spock and McCoy and Sulu suddenly vanished from the Batcave.

Bruce Wayne hadn't lost any money to Mudd and J Pauline Spaghetti, who had never met each other either, and the passion pandemic never occurred.

Around this time, one event that was meant to happen in the first place in the original timeline, was now allowed to happen anew. Having served her time for 1967 crimes committed with the Penguin, Lola Lasagna was released from prison and was able to reclaim her legitimate holdings and it was Lola who went into lasting business with J Pauline Spaghetti, to open a highly successful chain of restaurants. J Pauline Spaghetti and Lola Lasagna were known for many years to come in Gotham City as THE PASTA PARTNERS.

The Guardian returned the four travellers, along with Harry Mudd to 2974, where they returned to the Enterprise, and Sulu placed Mudd in the brig until they reached a Starbase to arrange for him to stand trial.

"It sure was strange to see that impish version of Batman in love with Batgirl, unaided by the love crystal," said McCoy, since he and Sulu, being time travellers, had retained their memories of their earlier experiences in 1977. Chekov was in his quarters and unable to hear the conversation.

"Well our computer did indicate that she'd find someone else. That was the only reason we persuaded Chekov to come home with us," said Sulu.

"To learn where that diminutive being originated from would be fascinating," said Spock.

"He's probably immune to your nerve pinch," said Kirk.

"Well I'm glad he teamed up with Mrs Spaghetti instead of Mrs Cooper until you set time right and told us all about it," said McCoy, "Having seen that woman in action while under the influence of a knock on the head on our last visit, I hate to think what would have happened if she were also under the influence of Mudd's love crystal. Harry and Harriet would have been too much to take."


End file.
